Two. That’s as many letters as a death row inmate can write in a month. Letters that will be censored by jail authorities before being sent out. How do you speak about the unspeakable? How do you tell truths that no one may want to hear? How do you survive emotionally and physically on the inside? How do you give strength, or even just connect, with those on the outside?
In our life there is no "DELETE" button like computers, nor BACKSPACE. We have to live with our mistakes. And today I have been facing the punishment of the same mistake for 3 years. Today I went to see the place where I was supposed to be hanged. Whenever I have seen that place in the past, I used to see my face in the place of the noose…
It is difficult to describe in words how much pain is inflicted while carrying the grief of injustice done to oneself in mind. The amount of blood my body produces by eating the food available here would be lesser compared to the amount of blood it takes to digest the punishment for an uncommitted crime and that too an execution!
They say in Marathi that every man has an evil inside him and one cannot predict when that will rise to come out, and they commit the wrong, otherwise they are normal humans. Even the ideals that we consider today, say Gandhiji, have some part in their life which does not appear to be the same as the rest. An irony to his name. He is this, how could he could do that? Even they committed mistakes, but they came back on the right track, worked to do good things in life. So it’s not that a person cannot change.
Remember I have just two letters per month allowing me to write to whomsoever I want. About my own case, I can only tell you that I am unable to understand, to this day, how I came to be implicated in this case. I hate this life, but I cannot understand what I can do about it. The court played a cruel joke on me. There is a lot I can write, but what is the use of sharing something which no one will listen to?